Prioritize Yourself!

by Cindy Locher, CHT

So many people I know don't place enough importance on their own priorities, often allowing themselves and their needs come second, third or fourth behind work, family and other social obligations. I know that we've been socialized this way for generations; I don't blame anyone for having this mindset. However, I become very concerned when I see these patterns in people's lives because it almost always seems to lead to a point of personal crisis when the unmet needs finally swamp the person's psyche.

Do you find yourself doing any of the following?

• Often or always deferring your preferences to someone else's decision (a spouse, a coworker)?
• Not speaking up when you know that you have received unfair or inequitable treatment at work?
• Saying to yourself, "I can do that later," while allowing other people's agendas and priorities to dominate your own?
• Making excuses and rationalizations for why you are once again delaying something that you want? ("My Mother really needs me right now, I can't take that job because it will be too far of a drive for her.")
• Not getting your needs met in relationships for so long that you've forgotten what those needs are?

If so, begin today to prioritize yourself. Dare to dream about what you need to meet your dreams and desires. I know one person who continually allowed her boss to schedule appointments over commitments she already had on her calendar--including doctor appointments. But she didn't say anything because she felt powerless in the situation. She felt that she needed the job and because her boss was so overbearing she didn't feel that she could assert her basic personal needs. The only solution, she felt, was to find another job. But what if she found that her next boss treated her the same way?

People will treat you the way you allow or train them to treat you. My friend had trained her boss that it was OK to book things over what was already on her calendar, because she never challenged it. What would have happened if, the very first time that happened, she had walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't miss the appointment that I already had on my calendar. Can we look at our calendars together and find a time that works for both of us?" Maybe there was flexibility that she never knew about because she never asked.

If you get the idea that this is strongly connected to personal concepts of self esteem and self worth, you are right! In order to have the confidence to ask for your priorities, you need to see yourself as valued and valuable in whatever setting, be that work, family, church, or other. The foundations of self esteem are laid in childhood, and fostered (or discouraged) in your family of origin. Does that mean that, once you are an adult, your self-esteem is "set?" Are you doomed to be a doormat all your life? The answer is a resounding NO! Psychology and neuroscience both tell us that you can change this aspect of your personality. You can learn new habits and by learning those new habits you can reprogram your brain. You can learn not only to employ techniques and strategies to compensate for lower self esteem, you can actually raise your self esteem and change your "set point." Once you've done this, your new patterns of behavior will be natural and permanent. Your FIRST instinct will be to value yourself and ask for your needs.

Hypnosis, or hypnotherapy, is an excellent tool to use in making this change. Through role playing in hypnosis, you can give yourself new experiences that will rebuild the foundation of your self esteem. You can learn new techniques for increasing self respect, dealing with difficult people and situations in the safety of hypnosis, and through repetition, those new techniques will become your natural pattern of behavior. They will become a "known" to your subconscious, and become natural to you. Give it a try--don't defer your dreams any longer!